The Price We Pay
by Avlbane
Summary: The monk can't forget the cruel words that he said, all for the sake of pride were not taken back.Because now Gokuis dying,and he may not have the chance. Angst, Pain, non-yaoi
1. Cruel words

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki. (But I do have Kougaji tied up under my bed) Mwhahaha!

A/N; ok, peeps (you cute little marshmallow candies you!), this is my 1st Saiyuki fic, so be kinda gentle, will ya? Anywho, this is packed with enough fluffiness to put bunnies to shame. Mostly Sanzo/Goku sap (NON-yaoi of course) There will also be a little bit of ooc-ness. It's mostly just little things, but there may be a couple of times where it seems like I've taken a character's personality, thrown it in a blender, and hit yourself warned.

"I'm hungry! When are we gonna eat!?" whined Goku for the fifty billionth time that day.

The journey had been a particularly long one for the Sanzo party. It was nearly sunset and they were still several miles from town. They'd been driving since early morning, (aka 6:00am) and the easily bored Goku was becoming restless. He wasn't alone. Gojyo was currently working on his second pack of cigarettes and Sanzo seemed to have acquired a permanently pulsating vein at his temple. Even Hakkai was beginning to feel a bit agitated.

"Don't worry Goku, we'll reach town in a little over an hour." He said with a reassuring smile at the boy.

"An hour! Ahh man! I'm gonna starve! I'm..."

Sanzo exploded suddenly, "God, do you ever shut up!?" he snapped viciously. The other occupants of the jeep and the jeep itself (Hakaryu) were shocked. Never had they heard Sanzo this angry before.

"You're so useless! All you do is eat, sleep and complain! The only thing you can accomplish is slowing us down and the only thing your good for is bait for Homura! That damn goddess is the only reason you're still here. If it were up to me you'd be long gone. No one wants you...not here, not anywhere."

Hakkai could see the hurt look on Goku's face from the rear view mirror. Gojyo didn't want to look at the sadness in the monkey's eyes and turned away, taking a drag of his half-smoked cigarette. It was a mutual feeling between himself and Hakkai, that Sanzo had been a bit harsh on the little runt. True, he was often an annoyance, but Gojyo didn't want him gone. After all he was only a kid.

Goku sat in a daze. Did the others really not want him? 'They never said that. It was just Sanzo...' Goku thought.

_But they didn't deny it either._

May be Sanzo was right? What was he good for but causing trouble? All the other's had some special ability. Hakkai could heal wounds, Gojyo was an awesome fighter (not to mention he could pull that trident from thin air!) and Sanzo banished gods and demons alike. He was only good for getting his friends hurt. Sanzo was right; all he did was slow their journey west.

The rest of the trip past in silence. All of them brooded over the words that had been said, even Sanzo himself. May be he had been too harsh with the kid. 'Oh well, by morning the monkey will have completely forgotten' Sanzo thought. But as the night grew darker so did the events it concealed.


	2. Unexpected Hero

The Sanzo party could clearly see the lights of the town cutting through the darkness. A light fog had developed a little ways back. It didn't seem to bother Hakkaryu, but it did bother Hakkai.

"Something's wrong, I feel it."

"Your right," commented Gojyo, "I feel it too."

Suddenly the fog thickened, completely thwarting the light of the village.

Sanzo's eyes narrowed and he gripped his banishing gun.

"God's"

Out of nowhere appeared four men, who immediately surrounded the jeep. They were Homura's cronies... no doubt about it.

Battle engaged immediately. At least odds were fair, four on four. Sanzo took on there leader, naturally, who proved to play dirty. Sanzo knocked the god to the ground and placed the banishing gun against the god's temple.

"Any last words?"

"Yea... Burn in hell!"

The god took a fist-full of dirt, and flung it into Sanzo's unshielded eyes. Temporally blinded, Sanzo let his guard down enough to give the god a clear shot. He planted a kick behind Sanzo's knees, sending him to the ground. The priest could see a blurred figure and heard the unsheathing of a sword.

"Lord Homura will be pleased. NOW DIE GENJYO SANZO!"

Goku nailed his opponent between the eyes, knocking him to the ground, unconscious. Feeling very pleased with himself, he turned to see how the others fared. His happiness faded instantly. There he saw Sanzo on the ground whilst the god he had fought held a sword high, ready to strike. Sanzo may have been an ass, but Goku had to do something.

Sanzo closed his eye's to flush them of the toxins. It served no propose though, he was dead. He awaited the blow. He heard the sound of running, the word "stop" being yelled and then the horrific sound of flesh meeting metal. He waited for the pain.

_Wait, there was no pain._

_Sanzo looked up. His jaw dropped_ in surprise. Standing there, between him and his death, was Goku. He had stopped the blade that was meant for Sanzo by taking the blow himself. The broadsword had past completely through the child's stomach. The boy's blood was already beginning to pool beneath him.

Goku looked down at where the blade had entered his body then back at the god.

"If you want Sanzo you'll have to go through me first." He gasped. Suddenly, he couldn't get enough air.

"It appears I already have." whispered the god. He caught Sanzo's eyes, and with a cruel smile twisted the blade in Goku's belly.

Goku screamed in pain as black spots danced before his eyes. God, he was dizzy.

The boy's cry caught Hakkai and Gojyo's attention. The both watched in horror as the god pushed Goku roughly off the end of the sword.

Goku's legs refused support him and he fell into Sanzo's waiting arms.


	3. A Life for a life

With an angry roar, Hakkai launched an attack on the vicious god. Sanzo took the opportunity to carry Goku to safety. Scooping the unconscious boy up in his arms, he ran to a large hollow tree. He was joined shortly by an irate Hakkai. Placing the monkey in the healer's arms, Sanzo left without a word. Hakkai would do his job and Sanzo would do his. He just wanted to make sure that son of bitch that hurt Goku would die as painfully as possible.

Sanzo arrived on the scene to see Gojyo giving the god a hell a time. Even the kappa seemed to have wanted his revenge for Goku's condition.

"Gojyo, go help Hakkai. I want to finish what I started."

"I haven't got a problem with it as long as you make it slow and painful. The kid will..."

"I'm not doing it for that damn monkey. I'm doing it because this guy really annoys me!"

'That's a lie' thought Sanzo as he looked at the crimson that stained his robes. Only now did he realize how much blood Goku must have lost.

Gojyo stood stunned for a moment, by Sanzo words. That monk was such an ass. How could he be so cold? The kid had just taken a hit for him, yet was still ragging on the boy?! That monk was getting one hell of a chewing out when this was over.

Sanzo commenced to give the god a hell of an ass-kicking then pointed the gun at his heart. An anger burned inside the monk that he could not extinguish. The overwhelming need for revenge. Sanzo pulled the trigger and never looked back.

As the demon screamed and disintegrated Sanzo whispered "See you in hell."

As Sanzo made his way over to Goku and the others a feeling of foreboding washed over him.

'It's nothing. Hakkai can heal any flesh wound.'

But as Sanzo rounded the trees he found his foreboding correct. Goku lay unconscious in Hakkai's arms. The lavender sash was placed firmly against the saru's wound. It was almost completely saturated with Goku's blood.

"I can't heal him. He must have been poisoned. We need to get him to town as soon as possible, or he'll...die."

The last word seemed to burn into the priest's soul. Goku might die. All because he was protecting Sanzo. How could this happen? He was only a kid and...

"unnn"

Sanzo was pulled from his thoughts by a soft moan from the saru.

"S-Sanzo?" he whispered. His voice was so weak.

Sanzo slowly knelt on the ground next to where Hakkai cradled the boy's head in the rook of his arm. He gently smoothed Goku's unruly hair. The child opened his eyes slightly.

Sanzo felt a stab of grief in his heart as he looked into them. The golden eyes that usually sparkled with vibrant life, where now glazed with pain and the beginnings of fever.

"ahh!"

Suddenly the boy convulsed, closing his eyes and clenching his teeth. He reached out; clinging to the first thing he could find...Sanzo's hand.

"Sanzo i-it hurts! Make it stop! Please Sanzo!" he whimpered

"Don't worry Goku, we'll get to town and find a doctor." It was Gojyo who spoke this time. Sanzo had forgotten he was there.

Gently, the kappa picked the child up in his arms.

"The sooner we leave, the sooner he gets help."

----------------

Oh I love angst! I love it soooooooooo much! Sorry Goku fans. I love him too, I really do, but he's so much fun to pick on. Anywho, R&R if you please. And no flames! They will be used to warm my house this winter. Constructive criticism accepted though.

kappa-water sprit

saru-monkey


	4. Time to think

* * *

The ride into town seemed to take hours. Every occupant of the jeep had but one thing on their mind Goku's survival.

Hakkai sat in the back, caring for the boy as best he could. The saru had stirred only once since losing consciousness. This worried Hakkai greatly. A fever was beginning to develop, and though the bleeding had slowed, it was far to close for comfort.

Gojyo desperately tried to concentrate on driving, but his fear for the saru was consuming him. True, it wasn't like the monkey didn't deserve getting knocked shitless every once in a while. Hell, most times Gojyo was the one to try and throw the first punch! But this was too much. The boy was slowly and painfully bleeding to death not three feet behind him. Gods, it was just too much to soak in.

'How could this have happened? He was only a child.'

'_I_ should have been protecting _him_,' Sanzo thought

But it was to late now to regret. Now all that matter was getting Goku help.

Hakkaryu screeched to a stop at the first building in the village, a small inn. Gently Hakkai scooped the child and entered with the others.

There was only a young woman behind the desk. She nearly fainted at the sight of them.

"Help us please," Hakkai half begged, "Our young friend has been severely wounded. He needs a doctor quickly."

Sanzo sat on the edge of the small bed, watching the Saru toss restlessly. Hakkai had gone with the land lord to find the village healer, and had taken Gojyo with. This left Sanzo alone with the unconscious Goku.

The boy looked so pitiful. Goku's face and chest glistened with sweat. He lay with one arm wrapped tightly over his belly. The other lay at his side, fingers clutching the sheets so tightly they threatened to tear. Every now and again, the boy let out a tiny whimper or moan.

Sanzo heart felt like it was being twisted. He had never seen Goku in this much pain before. In his heart, he hoped he never have to see it again.

Hakkai and Gojyo hurried after the hunched old healer women as she made her way up the inn stairs.

"Third door on the right" Hakkai quickly informed her once they had reached the second level.

Gojyo hurried to open the door for the old women. As she lay her eyes on the restless young man on the bed her face grew grave.

"You," She addressed Hakkai in her husky aged voice, "Stay here and help me. You two, leave" She said turning on Gojyo and Sanzo.

Gojyo opened his mouth in angered protest but Hakkai silenced him with a harsh look. He followed Sanzo without further complaint. The land lord's daughter stood outside the door and gave the two weary men frightfully.

"Um...You look hungry. I could make something to eat if you'd like. Or maybe some tea?" she asked innocently

Sanzo gave a slow nod as he and the kappa followed the young woman to the kitchens.

As they seated themselves at the small table Gojyo felt the full effect of weariness fall over him. Suddenly he was simply...exhausted.

"What would you like sir?" the girl asked Sanzo

"Just tea is fine."

"Same here" Answered Gojyo

It was odd, but Gojyo had the strange feeling that his stomach wouldn't tolerate liquor. Not tonight.

He watched the as she set to work boiling the water. Only now did he realize how young she must have been. Only thirteen or fourteen at most.

'Great we've successfully traumatized another child on our journey west!'

Gomen, I meant to write more but...

Any way thanks to my wonderful reviewers!

Goku-Chan!!!, Koto Juri, Koinu-Chan, and Kitroen!

Thanks Guys!


	5. The search begins here

This chappie is dedicated to Goku-Chan, because she nearly begged for a new chapter! :) and because she's my most faithful reviewer for this fic. Thanks to all my other reviewer's too1 Love ya guy's!

And for those of you how wondered; this will NOT be a deathfic. Alrighty? Then on we go.

Hakkai whipped the door open with such force, that it was nearly torn from its hinges. The moment the old healer had indicated he could go, he made for the door at a near run. If he had had to spend another second in that room, with it's stench of blood and sweat that he knew too well, the contents of his stomach would threatened to make themselves know. Hakkai leaned heavily against the wall for support. He felt mentally and physically exhausted. The Saru's screams and whimpers still echoed in his mind, like a banshee's cry, to loud and painful to comprehend. He clutched his head, and let his weary body slide to the floor. Burying his face in his hands he pondered the fate of the Sanzo party. He let tears stream unrestrained down his cheeks.

Gojyo had to know. He had to know the saru's fate. He made his decision not to be the last to know. He wasn't sure how much longer he could have spent with _that monk._ Part of him had wanted to comfort, while the other part had simply wanted to jump across the table and strangle the arrogant asshole with bare hands. So Gojyo left instead. As he ascended mournfully up the stair case Gojyo spotted Hakkai sitting slumped outside Goku's door. Gojyo could visibly see Hakkai shoulder quake with quiet sobs. The Kappa's heart froze with fear.

"Oh no!" he whispered softly.

He rushed to Hakkai's side and pulled his friends face up to look him in the eye.

"Hakkai what happened?! Is Goku...?"

Suddenly the small, withered, old women stepped out into the hall. Her Ancient features looked draw and sorrowful. Gojyo and Hakkai both froze, body's taunt with anticipation.

"Is the kid gonna live?" Sanzo spoke now. He must of come up the stairs with out the notice of the others.

"For the moment," she croaked, "But he won't be that way for long, unless we work quickly. Your young friend has been poisoned with the fruit of the Black Yukiko vine. The poison is transmitted through open wounds. From the point of entry it begins to attach the body's major organs."

"The effects are high fever, delusions, convulsions, and eventually death. The poison is very potent and that, doubled with the severity of the wound itself, stacks the odds very high against the victim. If your young friend wasn't a demon, there's a good chance he would have al ready been dead before I got here."

The Sanzo party looked on in horror. The horrid realization hit them then. The saru was going to die..._and there was absolutely nothing they could do._ Hakkai remembered the felling all to well, as did Sanzo and Gojyo.

"However, there is one thing we can do. There is an antidote, made for the indigo petals of the Haru flower. They grow in a small grove on the other side of the Chiyo Forest."

"Well, the why the hell are we just sitting here..."

"Hold your ambitions, young one. The forest holds many dangers. Hordes of demons guard the Haru groves."

Hakkai abruptly stood up.

"The danger is of no concern to us. Gojyo and I will go after the flower."

Hakkai's tone left no room for argument. He turned to Sanzo.

"Stay with Goku Sanzo. You're the only one he asked for. He needs you."

With that Hakkai turned and ascended down the stairs, followed by Gojyo. The old women turned to him, as she opened the door to Goku's room. Sanzo took a deep breath and stepped inside.


	6. In my hands

Sanzo felt as though the pit had dropped out of his stomach. The saru lay on the bed, his torso securely wrapped in white bandages. His breathing was soft but, erratic. His skin was pale and cold as death. His bangs were stuck to his forehead with perspiration.

Wait a minute, his.... forehead?!

Only now did Sanzo notice that Goku's power limiter was gone. But, against his better judgment, he asked the withered old woman no questions. He trusted Hakkai's decision.

"I've done all I can do for him, at the moment. All we can do is wait. I will take my leave now. But first," the ancient healer produced a small velvet purse from within her kimono, "these herbs will help ease the pain, but use them sparingly." She warned and took her leave.

Sanzo stood watching the saru for a long moment. This was his fault...all his fault. Why hadn't he paid more attention...then he wouldn't have needed saving in the first place. Where was that damn goddess when they actually needed her!?

Sanzo moved to sit on the edge Goku's bed. The small movement disturbed the saru's slumber. He emitted a small painful moan as he forced his eye lids open. A blurry face came into view.

"S... Sanzo?" He asked; his voice hoarse and weak.

"Yes Goku. I'm here."

"Sanzo w...why is it so hot? My body feels like it's burning and freezing at the same time."

"Your very very sick, Goku. Do you remember being injured?"

Goku gave a small nod, his pain glazed gold eye never leaving Sanzo's gaze.

Suddenly Goku cried out. A wave pained ran through Goku's body. Sanzo watched helplessly as Goku lay withering, fingers grasping the sheets so tightly they tore, jaw clenched, his back arched against the pain.

"S...S...SANZO!" the child cried

What Sanzo did next surprised even hi. He took the Saru in his arms, hushing him with soft gentle words.

"It's alright Goku. The pain will pass. I promise."

Goku lay in Sanzo's arms, one hand grasping the monks robes, the other shielding his wound. He tried to pull his breathing back under control. Some how, with Sanzo here with him he wasn't as afraid as he had been with Hakkai and that woman.

There came a small knock at the door that pulled Sanzo out of his stupor.

"Come In."

A small blond head pop in. it was the innkeepers daughter.

"Umm... well sir, I came to see if I could...um...get anything for you?" She asked nervously.

"thirsty" whimpered in Sanzo's ear.

"Yes, could you make some tea and bring some more towels and a bowl of cool water."

The girl nodded and was gone, fetching what she'd been sent for. Sanzo lay back down and stood, removing his robes. Through half lidded eyes Goku watched him, terrified that the monk would leave him. Sanzo knelt near the bed and pushed Goku's bangs from his face, felling the warmth that radiated off the young man's body. Goku was fading quickly.

"How do you feel Goku? Is there any thing I can do for you?"

"ssoo...hot" came the pained reply.

As if by fate the inn keeper's daughter returned that very second.

"Here are the things you asked for sir. Anything else?"

"No. Thank you." The girl gave a small nod and left.

Sanzo took a fresh towel wet it the cool water. He ran it along Goku's face, neck, and chest to cool him. As he looked out the window he could see the sun just peaking over the horizon. He had feeling this would be a long day ahead of him.

"Please you two, hurry and find that flower."


End file.
